I Hate This World So Much and I'm Never Coming Back!

in art •  4 months ago  (edited)

Greetings, literate mammals.
I have commandeered this communications device from some nobody named @NoNamesLeftToUse

My name is:
NoNamesLeftToUse - FakourCover.png

And I hate this world.

Much of this madness was NOT in the brochure.

Disney they said, "Go to Disney World. You'll blend right in as you are and won't even have to wear your genuine human skin costume."

I thought that was a grand idea because those damn human suits make me sweat like that guy standing in line to buy another bag full of those delicious mini donuts.

So I spent 3759 of your stupid Earth days cramped inside of a pod no larger than that woman's ass I saw at Walmart just so I could experience some of this culture, firsthand.

The accommodations were magnificent.

There were pictures of lions on the walls!

There were mini sandwiches inside of a mini fridge inside of a mini room I paid $700 per night to enjoy!

So much better than the ass-pod.

I got to watch "television" for the first time in my life and was shocked to see many of my kind wearing human skin and telling everyone what to do.

The happy old lady they showed in the background prancing around on a beach and then serving watermelon during a long list of common side effects including sudden death was actually my uncle and I had no idea he was famous on your world!

Everyone said you can't make a living being a pill pusher but he sure showed us!

Everything was going fine

but then the next day happened.

Some kind of Caucasian showed up at my door with eggs, toast, and a glass of orange colored liquid then asked for a tip so I showed him my tip.

Next thing you know there's ten more of these Caucasians banging on my door with guns and one barges in while I'm naked trying to figure out how to spread peanut butter. Spilled my orange colored liquid all over the bed before I even got a chance to snort it. I'll probably never have another opportunity to try that stuff now!

So Anyway

I wasn't really in the mood for their shenanigans.

I decided to spray them all with the liquid that comes out of my tip when I jiggle it before they could all call for backup. Nine melted, one got away.

They warned me at home about these men in black with their Cadillacs, helicopters, and shoes that clearly aren't designed to chase anyone with but I wasn't going to take any chances so I got outta there faster than that food delivering Caucasian who was most noticeably jealous of my tip.

Scurried down the halls.

Found a back door leading to the back.

I could hear the swarm of sirens and choppers ready to sick balls so I lifted a metal plate I found on the ground only to discover a system of tunnels and floating feces.

I wandered around in the dark for three of your pathetically long Earth days, bumping into everything with a bump, until I could finally see the light again.

As I emerged from this cavern of wasted sustenance and lost dreams, I could hear voices. Laughter. The sound of glass smashing against concrete. More voices.

It was Ted and Nelli.

They asked if I wanted some bath salts or meth.

I was filthy and starving so I said, "Sure, I'll have some bath salts."

I woke up two days later with a prostitute wig glued to my head while both Ted and Nelli were busy gnawing on my arms!

Just look what they did to me!

NoNamesLeftToUse - Fakour.png
Fakour

You guys!

This isn't cool.

My wife called me a "Disney princess" and now wants a divorce.

Your planet sucks!
And I'm never coming back!

linebreak1
Credits:
All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
NoNamesLeftToUse Outro.png

"Yeah I know. 'Supposed to be on break.' I got bored on my days off..."

© 2019 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.

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I hate it when I get knawed. It's almost as bad as bed bugs on crack. And all you get is a damn prostitute wig.

These "people" don't even understand basic science stuff! The glue they used fused with some of the atoms that make up my brain chemistry. If I remove the wig, it's lights out! Do you even know how lame that is?

I hate it when the next day happens! It's happened to me a couple of times. One more time and I quit.

You know what they say: If you can make it past the next day, you're well on your way.
Nobody says that. I made it up.

What they do say however, (or at least they should), is that if you make it past the next day, well, you're probably well into the day after. I'd actually prefer to never find out.

You know what they say: If it's Sunday, it's probably going to be Monday, eventually.

Aw! I'm sorry you had a tough experience! I hope you give Earth another chance. The cats are delicious.

Posted using Partiko Android

I tried to taste everything but that woman at the store said, "Stop licking me!" I saw the cats licking themselves and thought they were cannibals. We don't eat cannibals! That's disgusting.

How strange your family is. All we eat is cannibals.

Posted using Partiko Android

Hahahahhh

And the comments

Hahahjaha

Thanks for sharing.

Posted using Partiko iOS

I have no arms and you're laughing?! I'll have you know this is painful and they won't grow back for another seven full weeks! My face is itchy and I can't do anything about it!!! This is Earth's fault!

Oh quit your belly achin'. It's not like it's the first time! You knew this planet was only mostly harmless. lol

Losing a leg on Mars was far more rewarding and I got to see the sand dunes!

  ·  4 months ago (edited)

Poor, Fakour! Why don't you communicate with the other reptiloids?! They have some friendly tribes from before human's nasty civilization...
++ you can switch to a parallel Earth, where we have a lot of fun... well they're some challenging days of course, but since you can grow your limbs, you have some talents to share with this world...
Ups, I forgot! Every1 of us is in a different one. There is when they've found the word Multiverse :D
Don't feel sorry for yourself, homie! That's the worst bug/ parasite of humanity! :) They care too much about one another and they call this Love :) But they still do not understand what it means... completely... ;)

Reptile!

Do I look like a lizard to you?!

I'll just go on with life pretending you didn't just try to slur me to death with your ignorance!

Reptile!
The nerve of you "people."

You watch too much Youtube! I don't feel sorry for myself! I feel sorry for you!

I see what you're attracting :) and appreciate the strong energy field :P~~~

Sounds like a pretty rotten holiday all around D: I don't think I'd be going back either.

Never again! You "people" are savages.

This planet is full of surprises. Don't tell me there are no bath salts in your planet...

I thought it was some kind of a food one cooks in a pipe until I got the giggles and started having conversations with trees. After that though, I don't remember much.

Dude sort of look like Blanka from Street Fighter, except his arms got eaten off.

hokkaido, steemizm - two accounts, similar resteems, could be the same individual, both are attempting to pass off photos downloaded from the internet as drawings or digital art, but it's a cheap filter, and the images aren't their property. I left comments with evidence. Their accounts should probably be muted from CCC.

I forgot all about Blanka, until you mentioned him. Maybe they're cousins!

Thanks man. I will look into them.

I found another one named vote-transfer. Exact same scam, most likely the same individual as the other two.

Haven't had a beer since my bro's show, making up for lost time...yup that does say Even More Jesus, an Imperial Stout from Evil Twin Brewing (shit that took a lot of editing, might be a wee bit drunk, 12% abv so I oughtta be)

IMG_20190813_001839-01.jpeg

Oh, and here's a couple fun songs...love this fucking guy

Evan Moore-Jesus? We used to work together on Pluto salvaging water ice and converting it into gas we called Steem!

  ·  4 months ago Reveal Comment

Might find more clues in the other 85%.